Hello my name is Barb Osterhout, BarbO on the website; I live in Edmonton, Alberta Canada and have my Can-Fit-Pro Personal Trainer Certification and my AFLCA Aquatic Leader Certification. My arrival on this page has been a long journey and a result of Letting Go of what no longer serves me in my life, from excess fuel, to negative emotions to stories I have had about who I am and who I thought I was supposed to be. Most importantly my arrival here has occurred because of my celebrating who I am.
When I first found out about T-Tapp in late 1999, I had lost about 130 pounds and still had some to go when a friend asked if I wanted to come over and do a video her friend had lent her, called T-Tapp which promoted longer leaner muscles. As a combo with a larger lower body, very strong and large legs and saddlebags, longer leaner muscles sounded great to me. The idea of T-Tapp emphasis on body alignment and using your own body weight really resonated with me. I had been jogging and working out at the gym losing weight, but how much weight would I have to lift or push, I had carpal tunnel in my wrists and my joints were beginning to ache. I did not realize at the time I had hyper-extensive joints which I was over extending when I was at the gym, and that was not a good thing for my body.
In addition to my hyper-extensive joints, I am very flexible so I can put my body into almost all of the T-Tapp moves, unfortunately for me I can do this without engaging all the required muscles. In fact for a long time I was hardly even dating most of my muscles let alone being engaged with the correct muscles in the correct position hence I was not able to attain a lot of the desired fitness benefits from Tapping, especially when I didn’t do the moves period.
Even though my consistency in Tapping was more off then on, my belief in T-Tapp as an effective fitness tool never wavered, especially year after year seeing the results of several other Tappers I had met at the retreats. As I was slowly learning how to put my body into alignment the rest of my life was out of alignment. I did not like the size of my body and I used food to temper the disappointment in myself but mostly I used food as a punishment, because I was not who I thought I was supposed to be. A lot of the time I lived only in my head almost disassociating my body from me from the neck down. I I was resisting life in the present and living in the future in my head when my body would be the “RIGHT” size and when I would be Enough.
I had developed a severe case of NGE Disease (Not Good Enough) and an NTP Disease (Need to Please) early on in life, not really being aware for a long time of the diseases I had created. When I was aware I tried several different remedies and quick fixes over the years to try and cure the NGE and NTP diseases which would sometimes go into remission for a long time only to rear themselves in my Head again after some incident, physical or verbal and in several areas of life I would be in the throws of the disease. Life was happening around me and I was already gaining back what I had lost, I had become a very sporadic exerciser but a very consistent eater. Food was my friend, my alloy, my comfort, my pain nummer and my abuser. I did not appreciate my body for the amazing soul carrier that it is and by the year 2002 I put back on almost all of the 130 pounds I had lost by the year 1999.
Ok I was the abuser, food was just one of my main weapons that became a contributor to my mass construction, whereas my mind was a weapon of mass destruction of my self-confidence, my intelligence, my emotions and my soul. These were my symptoms of my NGE Disease and the effects of this disease caused a severe physically (food and lack of movement), emotionally (passive aggressive) and mentally (berating, negative, sarcastic to name a few) ABUSIVE relationship with myself. I Lived Alone so there was no live escape from my abuser, but being as brilliant as I thought I was I was sure I had discovered the perfect cure for my NGE Disease. I set up a Perfectionism Cure for my disease with the medication being high doses of striving to gain perfectionism in several areas of my life (physical especially), mentally and emotionally, ok mostly physical because that is where I really felt the most pain of the disease. Because if I were perfect then surely I would be good Enough, I would be cured. Of course not realizing that this was a Self-Inflicted disease I became someone who would set up enormous goals to prove myself worthy to my self and to the rules or should I say laws I set up on who and how I was supposed to be to be ENOUGH.
In October 2007 I took an extension to a personal growth course I had taken in 2002 and I was finally ready to really start facing the truth about me and living more in the present. I was willing to be curious enough to actually investigate my thoughts just as a thought instead of taking them as fact, to get really getting clear that they are just thoughts. I began checking in more and being more conscious so I could see what stories I had created in my life and what I was willing to let go of. After the course I continued to challenge myself and have the willingness to keep looking and discovering who I truly am. I was making more compassionate, conscious nurturing choices to serve the real me and not some story I had created.
Before the course I had read a book in which part of it referred to embracing ordinary instead of trying to be perfect. I began to embrace ordinary and focus and work on enhancing my strengths and gradually improve my weaknesses. Just like finding clothing that plays up your best features and makes you look WOW no matter your size or your body type. Taking exactly who I was and making the most of me right now. Discovering the T-Tapp steps that would enhance my form and strengths so I could build a stronger base and core to then be able to improve on my weaknesses. I did the same with my eating and my thoughts to create a healthier lifestyle. In all aspects of my life I began to take ORDINARY USEFUL STEPS instead of the Perfectly Useless Steps I thought I had to take to be Enough.
In addition to T-Tapp and walk/jogging in alignment I have been working with some people who provide a healthy low fat low sugar plan for me to choose how to fuel my body for health to help me let go of excess fuel. All these tools (personal growth course and books, healthier eating plan and T-Tapp moves, forums and T-Tapp office assistance ) have given me a wider base of support so I can let go and trust my own skills. These tools have provided me with a large supportive loving base so I can let go of fear and live fully in the moment. Allowing me to go with the flow and be myself without being tentative as to which move I need to make next in order to safely navigate my life and enjoy the journey.
After being a human Yoyo for years physically, spiritually, emotionally and nutritionally I have finally learned that I do not need to be all or any of the negative stories I have created about me. When I stay conscious and stay awake in the NOW and live with Intention of leading an all-round healthy lifestyle not some over the top massive goals I can take more and more Ordinary Useful steps and fewer and fewer Perfectly Useless steps on my journey. Life like T-Tapp is about increments, and increasingly being in the Now and connected with who I am has given me an opportunity to recognize and surrender more stories of me so I may take advantage of where I am and who I am with in whatever circumstances are occurring. I continue to be willing to be curious and keep investigating my thoughts and Letting Go of what no longer serves the Real Me and Surrendering to Life, Loving the Experience.
I have finally been willing to get out of my head and open my heart to receive the gifts that life has to offer which of course for me is the PRESENT.
Please contact me if there is some way I may support you physically, spiritually, emotionally or nutritionally, and assist you in taking Ordinary Useful Steps so you may let go of what not longer serves you and enjoy your presence.
If there is sufficient interest I may travel to other areas of Canada to assist you on your T-Tapp journey.
Contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org.